The Male Guilt Complex

It occurred to me recently how divided male identity has become, how in conflict many men really are from the continuing assault on masculinity.

I realize that men are told how horrible we are so often that men, in our minds divide ourselves and our identity into two camps, the good man and bad men. We tell ourselves all the time that the masculinity our society continually attacks is not our masculinity, that we are the good man, the nice guy, especially to women.

The guilt complex runs so deep that we constantly placate to the shaming, we constantly want women to know that we are not "him", the bad guy, the evil masculine, the so called "typical male".

Those that have not found the sound reason of Men's Rights carry this burden, it weights heavy upon them, my brothers, those, the many who feel they have to tell themselves and show the women in their life I am not him, I am not him, that is not me, I am different, I am a good man, a nice man, I am not like most men I hear about, I am not him I swear, I am different. I am ok, please trust me.

Steve Bergman is a member of Men-4-Change and enters our school buildings in an effort to help boys with what he calls relationalization to the feminine. He states:

"In our work, we ask thousands of eighth-grade boys, "What do you want girls to know about you?" It rips your heart out to hear what they say: "I'm not really like this. I'm a nice guy underneath. I act like a pervert, but I really care. Don't believe my behavior and my actions."


Steve works to help young boys become more feminine and to realize why male sexuality is wrong, why being male is wrong and needs to be reformed...

"All the pressures in the culture demand that the little boy disconnect from his relationship with his mother to become a man. The culture says only in disconnection can you become a strong self that can grow." (One need not disconnect with the feminine to become male, one must be more feminine)

"People tell me, "You're just talking about the feminization of men! You just want men to become like women." We're not talking about the feminization of men, but about the "relational-ization" of both genders. If that, in this culture, is taken as feminization, we are in big trouble. That's what we're up against."

(In other words there is something fundamentally wrong with masculininity and only by relationalization to the feminine, only by getting young boys not to disconnect from the female archetype of mother, as he has stated above, can we get boys to be more agreeable to what females want, to behave and move toward a feminine ideal.)




Men know this burden I speak of well. This burden has ruined their innocence of spirit and that of boys. I hope my fellow men may realize, upon reflection, the forces they are up against and exactly how many horrible things they are told about themselves when they realize they are not alone in these thoughts, this experience.....

Men, despite the message you receive there is nothing wrong with being male. You are not those many things. You are not base, primitive, unevolved, selfish, a jerk or your sexuality perverted. You are not a bumbling, incapable man-child fool of a man they show you on TV. Do not be afraid, do not be shamed. You do not need to be reformed by gay men to make you acceptable. ("Queer Eye For The Straight Guy"). You do not need to apologize for being male. Reject your popular culture, reject misandry, reject male subjugation, reject the lack of respect for fatherhood, join us, lets go our own way!